Memento Mori: Refrain
by Lucille16
Summary: Even they deserve a second chance the sequel to The Portrait of Ciel Phantomhive
1. Chapter 1

Title: Memento Mori: Refrain

Summary: Even they deserve a second chance. (The sequel to The Portrait of Ciel Phantomhive)

Disclaimer: I own nothing but the plot

* * *

~1~

In silence I looked at them. I smile, my lips curving into a mockery of what I truly felt as I watched the people laugh and smile. Far truer but still unreal- I knew it wouldn't last long, their happiness. It would be fleeting and a painful awakening was waiting for them, when the time of their fall into hellish grace was over and reality knocks holding a death scythe at their doorstep. The lights shifted, the colors shifted- it was far worse than the rooms of color Edgar Allan Poe conjured up from his morbidity. It was a conglomerate of everything- it was chaos, as it always was with these things. The speakers blurred out noise, though minimal, it rattled my brain. I knew I wasn't thinking clearly anymore. Sitting on one of the empty metal chairs I reached for my phone in my pocket.

"I don't think I could stay here for long. I don't know how to socialize in this context. I'm not like them."

The "send" button waited for my click but it never happened I saved it under "drafts" and continued to humor stupidity. "No, I'll try one more time"

In the end my day ended in dismay as I drove home faking a non-existent head ache. What had I tried to prove there? That I could make me anything but myself? That I could make memories? I probably had forgotten too much. Too much. The grossness of the world had been forgotten by my mind somehow. It's vast stupidity wiped away by my conscious waking hours of toil and single-mindedness. I chided myself for caring. I hated my heart for feeling the odd pain it did. The world was throttling too fast to its end with wormwood far too eager to hit the paved streets of New York, why would I care? I had my own pace- had my own end.

* * *

The pocket watch ticked as I stared at it. It was an antique given to me by my parents for my fifteenth birthday. "An heirloom of a forgotten clan" they said. I loved it- the mystery it held and the darkness that surrounded its past. A coat-of-arms was engraved on its lid; a closed door with a visible lock of sorts a chimera with two heads and two wings on either side with thorny rose vines surrounding the bottom. Stars were sprayed across the shield-like door. Even with a child's eye I knew it was finely made and that to whatever clan it had belonged before its glory should not have been over-shadowed.

"You look down- is everything okay?" my mother asked her dazzling blue eyes filled with concerned.

"I'm fine mom." I said face twisted into a scowl.

"You don't look it- really, Ciel , you should know how to talk more."

"Well, it was just annoying- I think I wasted my time." I said with a sigh.

"Oh- your just not used to it being that way- after all not everybody lives like you do" my mother patted my head. "although I am quite proud you stuck to your values."

"I didn't make memories I destroyed them-this is what I get for trying to ease my loneliness." I berated myself harshly. I was different- I knew I was. I pride myself with it but sometimes even I feel like the loneliness is unbearable.

The chauffer turned to our street and gate opened for us.

Greetings of "welcome home" resounded through the servants. I broke away from their company hiding away in my room immediately. There in the sanctity of my room cum library I was able to silently seethe- keeping my thoughts together through the onslaught of emotions.

The television blurted terrorism, massacre, death and all the other plagues of mankind. The little lights of my personal four-foot Christmas tree dimmed, as if they were attuned to my apparent loss of hope in mankind. Earlier that evening I had been invited to party of sorts, I say "of sorts" because it turned out to be a complete din. It was the first time I had faltered in my years- the first time I felt vulnerable, as everyone had agreed to make fools of themselves in their "merrymaking". I felt my body shiver with a familiar air of disgust as if I'd already seen enough grossness in my past life, had I lived one. Needless to say- I left early with a polite good bye and a completely fake smile. I would never be part of such things and I couldn't stand to watch such careless decisions made, after all, I was the heir of my father's corporation and of more consequence the name Phantomhive which I carried like a badge and a title. As a son in the family of Phantomhive there are things I cannot and definitely will not do.

"Well you know of these things…" I sat on a couch and spoke to the pocket watch I held "You've seen the best and the worst of humanity after two hundred years. Although- I wonder was your last master an honorable noble of ill fate? Or an evil one filled with incontinence, avarice and greed- only looking for self-gratification with no reason?" I swayed it like a pendulum. It never answered but I felt better just watching it move like the unstoppable arms of the time it held- it was one constant the world couldn't bend, a master even to those who had sold their souls for power.

* * *

_"Young master, it's time to wake up… I have prepared your breakfast…"_ a smooth voice called to me.

I stiffened and launched myself into a sitting position. My pajama top clung to my back as beads of sweat formed on my forehead. I was panting and tears flowed from my eyes. The dream or rather nightmare was still vivid in my memory. I could still feel the heat of the flames- the grime of soot on my cheeks the tightness in my lungs as the dark smoke choked me. The cries of "mother" and "father" still rang painfully loud in my ears. And then the sting of heat on my side and the cry of pain- the smell of burning flesh that stung my senses. Then darkness, then the voice- flowing sweetly, deeply- knowingly as if it had been a piece played to me since childhood. A haunting piece with notes that intrigued me for I had never seen them written nor heard them played by any other instrument.

I tried to flex my left hand but something cold and hard met my skin- the watch, dampened by my sweat; seven-thirty- perfect for my fencing practice to be held an hour later.

"Well, to say- I'm quite pleased with your wake-up call" I said voice tinted with humor and sarcasm.

I climbed out of my bed and went on with my day as planned.

* * *

The Christmas air was crisp and unbelievably cold as I trudged down the snow-covered park grounds muttering small curses every time I slipped.

"You know, Ciel, you should stop mopping about it…." I heard Lizzy blabber a little ways ahead of me. "I mean for all you know it might have been okay for them…"

"Lizzy, drop it- I'm done mopping so stop consoling me. I don't care about what is or isn't their principle- even the law forbids alcohol and that wild display of lawlessness was just plain insulting. In fact, I'm insulted to be the same race as them." I finally retorted as we reached a bench and put on our skates.

My cousin and I went out to the frozen pond hand-in-hand, more for my sake than her's. My knees wobbled and my teeth chattered. Why had I let her talk me into this? I knew I had no ability to balance hence my horrible dancing skills and now I have to walk-on ice?

"Ciel can you handle yourself?" Lizzy suddenly asked though looking to another direction.

I followed her gaze and saw that Lord James was also enjoying the frosty December morning skating. Lord James the pig-headed plebian of etiquette was the campus heartthrob in our exclusive school. Among other rich brats he stood out- richer, better looking and brattier- actually one could say to the point of rotten. No one ignored Lord James, no one except me. He was so much like the robber-barons of the fourteenth century- therefore a complete farce of the title he showed off and the life he had.

"I can manage, Lizzy, you can go" but I loved my cousin more.

As I clumsily plodded along the ice shaking and making embarrassing posses every now and then to prevent myself from falling face-first into the ice. I once again conjured up my chant of colorful words. Scowling like a spinster in a bridal shower. The snow-covered gardens and reflective pond would have been a very enjoyable experience had I not been stuck in the middle of it. Slowly I tried to inch to the nearest bench available, taking small baby steps quivering every two or so.

I guess I should have figured out that at one time or another I'd have to embarrass myself considering the fact that I was literally out of my field. All my care and time went to waste because some idiotic skater decided to skid too close beside me. Chivalry is truly dead among the young- even in the blessed soil of England. Losing my balance I was more or less literally pushed into throttling speed. My eyes wide with fear at losing control. The last thing I saw: the bench- I was hurtling towards it at break-neck speed, and then I closed my eyes and prayed that I would still be able to stand straight after the whole ordeal. The pain of impact and of my femur crushing never came. I had hit something- definitely, since I stopped moving- but as I moved my hands I felt soft wool instead of the freezing bench.

"Are you okay…"

My eyes flew open at the sound. It was the voice that called me this morning!

"Ah…" I stuttered as I stared into pools of amber, no crimson- it was bright crimson. "yes, thank you."

"Be more careful, we don't want to scar that pretty face, do we?" his tone was more mocking but I could still hear the concern underneath. He placed a hand on my freezing cheek.

"Thank you for helping me- but don't be so familiar!" I slapped his hand away.

"Ciel! Are you okay?" Lizzy came, almost flying in her skates "I'm so sorry I never should have just left you!"

"Lizzy, I'm fine really! Don't be so guilty.."

"Oh but if Mr. michealis weren't here you would have gotten really hurt!"

"Mr. Michealis?"

"Oh- I'm so sorry! Mr. Michealis thank you for helping my cousin! My name is Elizabeth Midford my father runs a deal with your company. This is Ciel Phantomhive his father is also one of your company's business associates…"

"I see. I'm glad to help." Bowing mostly to my direction. "My name is Sebastian Michealis, vice president of Crow's Work Toy and Confection Company. Nice to meet you Ms. Midford, you're as sweet as you're father described you to be and Young Master, I'm very pleased to have finally met the future Head of the Phantomhive estate- I never tire of hearing about you." He smiled at Lizzy and smirked at me.

"Quite glad to meet you too, Mr. Michealis, and thank you for the rescue…" I didn't correct him- he was mocking me- I knew it. Let him call me "My Lord" if he wants to. I wasn't inclined to care.

In a few minutes a crowd of people were around us- mostly the girls who were fawning over Lord James- all of them stared at the strikingly handsome Sebastian. I would have to admit that in way of appearance Sebastian Michealis was nothing but pleasing. He could either look kind and caring or seductive and mysterious changing nothing but his smile. And he always looked good- I even have a theory he'd look good chained and bleeding…not that I think of it.

"Well I'm very sorry to have to suddenly leave but- I have a feeling your adoring public awaits." Taking Lizzy's hand I started to move off.

* * *

Author's Note: To all those who red and put this on their lists sorry for taking it down the first time under consideration I decided that the chapters were cut too short and some other improvements must be done. So here I re-post it with an apology and a wish that you be patient. And of course the traditional please review!


	2. Chapter 2

~2~

"What?" my eyes were huge with disbelief

"well yes dear- we think it time." My mother smiled warmly.

"But, I…"

"No, ciel, You've grown to be a fine young man I think it's high time I gave you more responsibility…"

I was speechless as my parents sat smiling like overjoyed children during Christmas Eve.

"I already signed the papers you'll be given twenty-five percent of our stocks and an additional fifty-one of Crow's works…"

"What? Crow's works? Aren't they under a different corporation?"

"we struck a merger and now we own it more or less…"

"Oh but Ciel, dear, there is a "stipulation" to this "contract" as you may say in your own words…" my mother added with an obvious reluctance.

"What is it mom? I'm sure it could be accommodated…"

"Well you'd have to be trained by a Personal assistant…"

"I'm not sure getting a P.A. is bad, right?"

"Well it's just that with your attitude and Mr. Michealis'…"

"What? Come again? Mr. Michealis?"

"Yes- your P.A. he was the previous vice president of the company but with the merging he choose to stay at a rank so much lower than his old one. He says he's taken a fancy for you- in a professional way…"

I had to keep back the many colorful words I had to describe my predicament. I had not known this Sebastian but somehow a feeling of familiar annoyance slowly enveloped me at the mention of his name. As if I had known him a long time ago in the days of my infancy, or even before that when my soul- probably newly made was afloat in the nothingness of pre-creation.

All I could do in the end was sigh and smile. I loved both mother and father and I cared for the company's affairs. Learning from Sebastian couldn't be such a hellish price to pay.

* * *

In no time at all a study was fully furnished and ready for me- it would be my very own office where I'd have the liberty of doing company work and such.

"Good Morning, young master" the other bowed. A long-forgotten ritual that I was very impressed to see again.

"To you too Mr. Michealis. Thank you for choosing to look after me…" I nodded in acknowledgement.

"Please call me Sebastian and it is an honor to be of your service. As I've said you've drawn my attention for some time now-I'm glad you accepted the offer. "

"Well in any case as my personal Assistant aside from instructing me in various matters you're also charged with my schedule anything concerning me and the company."

"Yes my lord, also, I am to be by your side always- other affairs even of your well-being will be my responsibility."

"You mean to control my life? Is this part of the job?" I asked grandly sarcastic.

"You ARE the job, young master, and so you are my first priority."

I had to sigh to that- it wasn't as if I wasn't used to being waited on hand and foot…

* * *

Now it was water. It filled my lungs; replacing the air, pushing at its walls. I didn't know if I was crying the water, cold as ice, washed my tears with its incessant flow. Did I wish to be saved? Or did I will it? Somehow I myself couldn't tell. I didn't know this boy, the one I was playing, the one who had the same hands as me- the same body. My-his memory was blurred by imminent death or maybe it was blurred all his life. One thing resonated within him in a way I could not explain for it was weak but haunting- it reverberated in his whole self- in myself. It was a presence, an emotion, a knowing, a question- a very silent but sincere wish…

"_till end do we part?"_

"Young Master…"

My eyes fluttered open.

"Are you okay?"

The dream ended and the boy's question was unanswered. I looked ahead wondering if the creature, whoever he was, did part with whoever he held dear enough to ask even in his violent death.

"Young Master?"

"Yes, Sebastian, I'm not deaf."

"But you seem strained- is something the matter?" he wore his usual smirk but I saw in his eyes sincere worry.

"Nothing…"

"Were you having a nightmare again?" he pried further

"I said it was nothing! Now if you may, I have to bathe and dress."

"Apologies," he bowed "I will await you at the office" bowing once more he exited- with more grace than any model I had ever seen.

I grumbled, never a morning person to begin with, as I walked to the bathroom. The water was warm as I slowly slid into it, not very happy that a bath came right after a nightmare wherein I drowned. I settled in any way, as the smell of lavender and vanilla filled my senses.

It's been a year since I've taken over a portion of my parent's company and since my sixteenth birthday, in occasion of which they had given me the family's antique family ring as an heirloom. It's also been so long since Sebastian had started working as my personal assistant. An arrangement that at first had been quite appalling, I now see as annoying at worst. Sebastian was ever diligent although I find it odd saying so since he perfects anything effortlessly. It really has nothing to do with diligence I only say he is for a few insufferable things he could face with a smile, like Elizabeth and her countless soirées.

His first day as my P.A. and my first day as a stock-holder was a fiasco- at least for me; it started with me falling off my bed at his sudden wake-up call…

* * *

"Young master…"

I continued to stay in bed.

"Young master…" he opens the windows and touches my shoulder.

"Whaaaaa…!"

I hit my back and had to walk with it arched for half the day…

* * *

After that day though I found that with him around the everyday inconveniences I suffered were easily dealt with. He, as he had more or less promised, stayed firmly at my side- available to my every beck and call. He accompanied me as my assistant, teacher, and sometimes I allow myself to think, as a companion. Being raised alone and different from my peers I was naturally alienated ever since I could remember but Sebastian, though he would taunt and scold, would also- at times just smile knowingly at me. He listened and laughed about it but he'd also repeatedly say he'd be there.

In his own way he had become a constant to me- an unchanging variable in my daily life. And somehow I fear-in the future- someone I could not afford to lose.

* * *

After a few months since my first nightmare more came- the following more vivid than the first. The boy I played looked exactly like me and it was as if I had known his life as I know my own. His family died in a fire- he was saved but tortured horribly. Then came the voice so much like Sebastian's and he was saved. Many more things happened, events that I only caught in snippets and images. A falling church, a woman in red bathe in blood, being chained, being killed, film rims scattered like little windows- shining, a fake heaven and other confusing symbols. Now the last was of water. The boy had died there- I sensed it- deeply. He was always filled with hate- vengeance was a goal but somewhere within him he did hold something important- the one thing he did by himself and so did not lose at his parent's death- the one thing that could have saved him had he allowed it to.

I sank myself deeper into the water.

"Had he allowed it to…"

I closed my eyes. I, myself, had tried to save myself from the loneliness I sometimes drowned in but I never succeeded in doing such- so how should I know what could have saved him?

* * *

"Good Morning, Ciel" my mother greeted me as I sat in my assigned place at the dining table.

"Good morning, mom, dad" I greeted back. I shall be forever baffled at why they insist on me calling them "mom" and "dad" when I found "mother" and "father" more comfortable. They always told me it was "hip" but I never found it entertaining.

"You seem a little pale, are you feeling alright?" mother asked with concern.

"I'm fine mom- it's just the cold."

"Well, try to keep yourself warm- okay, sweetie, we don't want you sick."

She was always one to worry and fuss. Mothers never really realize that children grow up…

"Yes, mom"

"Oh Ciel…"

"Dad?"

"Your mother and I will have to go for a while…"

"Why?"

"Business and some other affairs…"

" Where?"

"All over Europe- our first destination is France…"

While fathers never seem to realize that children aren't always too old for everything, like their parent's company.

I feigned a smile. They'd been doing this ever since I could remember. Run circuits all over the globe to personally check the different branches. I find it commendable as a stockholder but rather cold as a child. It was bad enough that they would be gone one whole year but they do it every three years and spend more than half that whole year going to business trips and such. I was never one to argue though, I knew how important Fun Tom was to father and that duties must be done.

"Oh- okay- I'm sure I'll be fine enough- managing the house won't be such a big deal and I'm old enough on my own…"

"Heavens! No, dear, of course you won't be left alone!" my mother chuckled.

"What do you mean?" My face slightly paled.

"Mr. Michealis will be looking after you- you'll have to live with him for awhile…"

"What? Why him? How about auntie Red? Can't I live with her?"

"She has a medical convention in the tropics and she won't be back for the coming months. And why not Mr. Michealis? He seems kind enough and you know we have no relatives other than your Auntie. Elizabeth and her family are in the Bahamas for the holidays. "

I looked at them dumfounded. I had to live with Sebastian?

"But…"

"No protests, young man, I'm sure you'll get along just fine." His father asserted.

"How long will this be?"

"nine to twelve months…"

"a year?" I felt my eyes falling out of their sockets.

"Now don't be that way- we have to do our rounds to all branches…"

"I know father-" it was my well-practiced speech whenever they left "I understand, as part of this company this is just one of the many sacrifices we all have to make." I said in my very business-like tone.

"I'm glad you do- I'm proud of you, dear." My mother clasped her hands as if in prayer and looked at me with relief.

"You're a fine, young man, Ciel, fine enough to know these things." My father nodded in approval.

I finished my share of breakfast and immediately proceeded to my study where I found Sebastian flipping through the book I had left at my desk the night before, Faustus.

"Young Master, I didn't know you were fond of classics…" He commented.

"I'm not very fond of them- just that particular book…"

"so you're interested in Hell? So why not read the inferno?"

"I have- and I have no interest in hell- Faustus gave his soul for knowledge and Menistopheles took it for a contract, it just got me thinking what my soul would cost and if demons do hold their end of the bargain…" I walked across the room and took my seat.

"Ironic questions… "

"Pardon?"

"Nothing, young master, now moving on…."

* * *

Author's note: I find the story fast but that's just me. I'd like to hear from you though =D please review!


	3. Chapter 3

~3~

I saw my parents off with a smile.

"I have already unpacked your things, young master, would you like to go home now?"

I turned to him. I never really knew what fear was but I knew danger when it presented itself. And this threat showed itself quite plainly.

"Yes, Let's go"

* * *

They say familiarity breeds boredom; I'd give a fortune to make that a constant because I've come to realize that with my Personal assistant familiarity breeds deadlier things than a simple case of ennui. Days with Sebastian seemed to span an eternity and it always made me feel so nauseous with so many events happening.

We came to his house in his BMW. Driving up the gravel pavement of what he had described as a simple bungalow type house.

"I'm honored to have you in my home, young master" he bowed and smirked "please make yourself at home. I hope the furnishings are to your taste?"

I looked around and saw that he must have either been joking or mocking me.

The house was built on a slopping hill. It was a rectangular piece of architecture, a coming together of Zen and modernism. Half of it was made of glass while the other of beige stone. The driveway was a gravel path that slopped up from the main road and the garage was the second floor balcony supported by a wall at the back and by two pillars at the front. The front lawn, which the drive way divided, thrived with life as bamboos and other austere grass-like plants grew. A rock fountain with a pond lined with white rocks stood the garden's extreme right. Moss grew thick and so did a great assortment of greenery I couldn't identify. It was a mix of muted browns, beiges and lively but natural greens. I looked around and found that even the fence was painted beige but the horizontal steel bars that traveled it's top edges were also painted brown.

"Would you like to come in, young Master?" He tried to hide the obvious pleasure he had at my apparent admiration of the hill-top prism he called home.

He had already transported my things two days before and everything was set. I walked through the dark mahogany door way first. The living room was spacious with all its walls made of clear fiber glass and its floor of gleaming Narra wood. White leather couches surrounded a glass coffee table and tall irregular looking reading lamps stood beside the couches.

The whole of the house looked more like a large studio than anything else. The only divisions that stood between rooms were the furniture. The living room was divided from the dining room by a large glass fountain. While the dining room from the kitchen by a dark marble nook.

Above the kitchen was the second floor's in-house balcony which served as corridor going to the rooms. Paintings lined the balcony's wall some modern, some impressionist but all expensive. The very center of the house, which included the dining and living area, wasn't shadowed by the second floor but was an open space with a ceiling reaching up to the second floor. Thin steel wires traveled this open space, like spider silk, connecting one thing to another or supporting studio lights. I walked to one of the towering glass walls. A pool was underneath the living room and half the house was supported by angular metal bars running under the concrete, supported by three large pillars. The pool itself was separated by fiber glass the higher basin spilling ever-flowing water to the larger one below it. Another rock fountain stood at one of the rectangular pool's shorter edges. Plants grew on the fountain's rocks and all around the pool-side. Another sea of grass stretched to behind the house and there white wicker benches huddled neatly around beautifully designed coffee tables, like bride's maids around an ornate bride. Each set covered by its own white canvas umbrella.

"Would you like a tour?" I jumped, enamored by the house's modern charm, if one could call anything modern charming.

"No, I think I'd like to rest." I sighed walking a few steps away then waiting for him to take the lead.

* * *

My room followed the design. It's walls had a mute dirty white color while the carpets were beige. The bed was low as sow were the other pieces of furniture. A glass double door with dark frames opened to the balcony.

"It's connected to the larger one…" Sebastain told me as he hung my coat.

I pushed the doors open and a burst of autumn wind came into the room giving me a chill and making the white cotton curtains dance. It was refreshing, this house. My dreams would never catch me here, in this modern fortress with its metal pillars and spider webs of steel.

_No canopy would hold me captive with its thick velvet curtains. No old paintings would glare at me from a distance.._

_no cold studies that chilled me to the bone, or evergreen carpets that hid blood stains…._

_No mansion, no fire, no rubble, no destruction-no. None of that, just this pristine place with Sebastian. Finally safe, again, finally._

"Ciel!"

Everything went blank.

* * *

_Lulling, the sound was lulling. A lullaby was being sung. A terrible sound because it wasn't supposed to be here, that lullaby should have been long forgotten by this soul. _

"_Stories no one could tell at a child's bedside…."_

_Elizabeth stood her head solemnly bowed in front of me. She looked as if her heart had broken in two. I called out but no voice came and nothing but a breeze touched her tear-streaked face. The place was in ruins. _

"_After the fire…."_

_I spun around._

"_Sebastian?"_

"_This was all that survived…." He moved a little and gestured at the huge canvass behind me. _

"_It's…me…" I looked at it; studied it from the velvet clothes to the gleaming buckles. I raised my hand to touch the canvass but Sebastian gently held my wrist. _

"_He is different. You were him but he is different…."_

"_You were with me?"_

"_I've never left your side, my Lord." He gave a deep bow._

"_That's what you called me before?"_

"_Yes, you were my master and still are."_

"_By virtue of what?"_

_He removed the black glove he wore and placed his hand on my right eye. A searing pain traveled through my spine and I feared my very being would burst from the pressure. I cried out and grabbed his hand._

"_By this…" I felt my fingers touch a scar. A sort of pentagram on Sebastian's hand and it also felt as if it were on fire. _

_He let go of my head and the pain subsided._

"_The mark stays until it's purged…" His face was neither sad nor worried._

"_What happens if it is?" _

"_Then you are free…"_

_

* * *

_

My eyes flew open.

"Young Master?" Sebastian looked at me quizzically as I grabbed for the hand that held me and started searching for the mark. "are you unwell, shall we call your physician?" He asked, not pulling his hand away.

I collapsed to the bed with a sigh running a hand through my hair. What was happening to me? Fainting, having delirious dreams…

"We should call your father." I grabbed him before he could even stand half way.

"No. I'm fine- just tired…"

"But you lost consciousness…"

"I said I'm fine!" I glared at him.

He sighed and chuckled.

_You never change…_

"well, I cannot disobey what the young master wishes, now can I ?" He gave me one of his patronizing smiles. "I'll prepare dinner so that you could rest. I'll be taking my leave now, Young Master.

I froze. I knew that line.

"_I will take my leave now, Young Master…."_

"Sebastian!"

"Yes, young master?"

"My name is Ciel use it like you did before." I couldn't take remembering what had happened then. Although it seemed odd to me I didn't want to share Sebastian with whoever the former me was either.

"Why, so suddenly?"

"Because I tell you so!"

He gave another chuckle and a truer smile.

"Of course, whatever you say, _Ciel_"

I sat back on my bed and groaned.

Now that we were on a first name basis all hell must surely break loose.

* * *

Author's Note: I find it odd having an astral Ciel and Sebastian and human ones. Hahaha. Having trouble with crossing the plot actually but I will try my best! Please review!


	4. Chapter 4

~4~

"A portrait?" I felt his sapphire eye look at me with an emotion I never really wanted to acknowledge before.

_Annoyance?_

"Yes, a portrait! Of us! Wouldn't that be cute?" I smiled and pressed on. I was too naïve, too young.

_Why couldn't you love me, Ciel? I don't understand…._

He gave his signature sigh and pinched the bridge of his nose. He was in thought.

I brightened.

He was actually considering it! He actually thought of one of my ideas! I was usually forced to forcing things on him, which I realized later on, was for my own self-gratification. I wanted to be important to Ciel even if it were just as his relation-since I never really thought of our engagement as a bridge to romance with him- something I also realized when I married and had my own children.

I couldn't have had a family with Ciel.

He wasn't of this world since he came back, something the people around him sorely failed to see, especially me.

"Elizabeth…" he started his voice sounded a little raspy. Sebastian told me he'd been cooped up in his study the whole morning and it seemed a perfect waste to me since the weather was so fine. My eyes widened in expectation. He saw it. The tell-tale twinkle in my emerald eyes and it made his face fall- if only slightly. Ciel Phantomhive's face only came in one package and it was capable of very little movement except in the presence of…

"Sebastian and I had….."

_Him_

Again it was Sebastian. He, who shared no blood with my cousin, who was only, hired help. I wasn't one to be easily angered and although I threw too many tantrums to count in my youth this simply made my blood run cold, an all new level of anger. It was fury that I felt not vexation, not hurt-just hate at that black butler for stealing Ciel and turning him into this cold little doll. I unconsciously blamed Sebastian. When I was old enough to realize how to blame or even think of blaming but that came too late and I never had the chance to take it out on him or to complain to Ciel about it.

I knew it would hurt him but the anger made me press on. I was pushing, then, shoving but my cousin would not be walled. The cold and calculating Ciel could not be out done by any burst of my childish emotions. Could not be swayed by the hurt I made visible in my eyes.

_Have I seen the hurt in his eye?_

I suddenly stopped. I never had. He's never cried to anyone after the fire even with the loss of dear Madame Red. I'd never seen him anguished.

"Lady Elizabeth,…" a deep voice spoke behind me as the door swung fully open revealing it's owner and the cart he pushed.

"If I may interrupt…" He smoothly dispersed the tension in the room. I saw Ciel's shoulders relax and his face returned to its perfect mask. It was as if he drew strength from Sebastian's existence. He was like a drug that sedated and calmed Ciel, though, at times, he also pushed Ciel to action.

I'd never know what both of them had. What the days and nights they spent together meant but even as a child I knew it was something no one could ever fully understand.

_The world was he and he was the world._

"My master has been quite busy and he's in need of rest…" He poured my cousin tea. Speaking in a low voice that Ciel seemed to be acutely listening too. He seemed relieved then.

_It's the portrait_.

I kept my eyes on the pair. It really made a wonderful portrait and no matter how irritated I was with Sebastian I couldn't deny that. They way Ciel sat back on his leather chair his face calm but intent, looking truly dignified in his suit of evergreen. His eye was only half opened in the manner of one listening to a pleasing concerto, his legs were poised one over the other and his hands were languidly draped on the chair's wooden armrests. Sebastian stood closely beside him smiling as he spoke. The black butler was truly impeccable just as it would please his equally beautiful master. He gently placed the resin-colored china on Ciel's heavy antique desk. His face had a quality I couldn't quite understand but it made him look all the more handsome- I sometimes saw it in Ciel. A dark looming quality I never really grasped. He was talking about cake now and he offered me some which I unwittingly took, my childish mind mesmerized by what seemed like a beautiful but forbidden portrait of my cousin and his butler. They seemed trapped within that time framed by the gentle afternoon light which danced through the large French windows. The lines of reality blurred between the two of them. Nothing really existed at that moment.

And then Ciel smiled and I knew that I'd forever be defeated.

No one, not even Michelangelo, could ever create such a "real" portrait of me and Ciel. There was simply too little to put color and life on but as my tears welled and their forms blurred I had to smile too. For the both of them, for my cousin whose happiness life had denied too many times and for his ever faithful servant, the reality and beauty of a portrait could never be in question.

* * *

"Sebastian…"

I was lacing his nightshirt.

"Yes, Young Master?" I looked up at him. His eyes were far off as if in thought. It irked me, how even his marked eye could stray. I placed my gloved hand on his soft cheek gently drawing his broken attention.

"Are you bothered by anything, young master?" I asked placing my face dangerously close to his.

He started then blushed. I chuckled. How adorable my little Master could be.

"Elizabeth acted rather oddly this afternoon don't you think?"

The thought made me sigh. How far had the mighty fallen? I was admittedly jealous of a twelve-year-old girl. I, the very picture of temptation, was insecure to a bubbly child.

"She seemed quite upset at not being able to convince you to having a portrait painted with her." I lifted him and placed his incredibly light body on the bed.

"A portrait?" He asked as if musing again.

"Would you fancy one master?" I asked, setting his covers to rights.

"What for? So that I'd be reminded of how sin-stained I am?" It was a pity the Master had taken to disliking mirrors and paintings considering how beautiful he was. If one could ever immortalize that beauty in the way that I would not, I would be more than pleased.

"It showed a portion of one's life but sometimes just enough to praise or condemn you." He spoke his eyes were starting to blur with sleep.

"But you have never cared, have you? If you were condemned much less praised it never really mattered." I spoke stroking his soft teal-colored locks. "And so you fancy a portrait…" I grinned. He had drifted off to a fitful slumber.

_And you shall have one, Young Master_

_

* * *

_

"What is all this, Sebastian?" I asked, slightly vexed, as he lead me through familiar but darkened corridors.

Sebastian, I knew well, was still capable of old tricks. Even now, after our status had drastically changed, he was still up to mischief; trying to make me look "adorable" when what I really wanted my features to relay was my being aghast or annoyed.

He kept silent and continued to lead me, holding me gently by the hand. It was one of the few things I appreciated with our relationship having changed. It irked me less when affections were shown or exchanged given that it was in private. Holding hands was never one of my favorites though it never failed to chase the fear out of me.

_The fear of the end and of impending damnation- I had made another contract I would never see the light of redemption anyway so I'd stay with the salvation I know, with the love that, though it be a farce, I could feel and see. _

We went through numerous corridors until we came to a pair of great oaken doors which, as I recalled, lead to a great ballroom my parents had rarely used.

"Do you recall, young master, that night when we spoke of portraits?" He placed his hands on the heavy doors and with a grand gesture, only he could manage, he presented me his handy work.

The soft yellow lights blurred and mystified the room's details. It was bright but in a sleepy, lulling way like the rooms one usually saw in Morpheus' realm. It amazed me but I rather drop dead than admit it. The walls, which were formerly paneled with aged wood, were covered with thick red velvet; flowing down, like a lady's train, sweeping the floor with its gold-trimmed edge. The large French windows were open to the white marble balcony and the refreshing summer breeze entered the spacious hall. The white marble floor was tinged yellow and pale white as the light from the grand chandeliers and the pale crescent moon reflected on it.

It was surreal, beautiful and ephemeral. A place I hated because it was so much like the savage garden I had to survive but loved because it was so much like me, a darkened thing, passing and shadowed.

"So you see, Master…" Sebastian called my attention as I walked, as if in a trance, to the balcony. "All that glitters is not gold…"

He gave me one of his innocent smiles.

_All that glitters is a sin_

"So why am I here?" I asked, finally returning to myself.

"Portraits should be painted with wonderful backgrounds don't you think, Master?"

"I told you I wanted no portraits!" I felt the blood rushing to my cheeks.

Once again Sebastian had directly disobeyed me. Another thing that amazed me was how he always did. I was about to throw an epic sulk when I saw the look on his face.

He was _expecting _it!

He looked at me with eyes filled with pleasure, like a child shown his favorite toy.

It made me reign in my anger. I wasn't going to give him the satisfaction of doing me in again. I righted myself and looked him in the eye.

"Well if you've arranged for it then I cannot do anything without looking childish, can I?"

"I'm afraid not, Master" his face didn't show a hint of annoyance when I presumably thwarted his plan. I was slightly annoyed but then again how long have we been doing this? Our teasing each other, our annoying one another equaled giving flowers and singing serenades. We did it to no end because it was rather appreciated by the other.

"Now if you would kindly come with me…" Sebastian gestured to a door I never really noticed before. I silently followed, tired of sparring with him. The door lead to a rather small and plainly furnished room- as plainly furnished as 'plain' would stand in my status. There was no bed only couches and a large antique wardrobe at the left-side corner. I was told to sit on one of the greater chairs as he fuzzed over something I couldn't see inside the wardrobe. After a few minutes of hearing the scratch of starched fabrics Sebastian emerged holding an elaborate suit of scarlet in his hands.

* * *

A.N: Sorry for the late update some things just had to be taken care of. For certain clarifications: the first part is in Elizabeth's POV and the second is Sebastian's (I hope I did that well _) and the third is Ciel' is the portrait's history and is the bulk of the mystery so don't be confused if it's suddenly the late 19th century. Please Review (copy paste haha :D)

P.A.N: I don't think I want this to be extremely, thickly, suffocatingly dark I believe in their darkness being beautiful because it's so uniquely subtle. London was having dark days and no one would have ever thought of anything worse than that. The element of unknowing is what makes it so appealing. haha. but that's my opinion- just tell me how you think! Review!


	5. Chapter 5

~5~

I was frozen in time, staring out from that moment immortalized by oils and brushes.

The moment more vivid than the memories, than the late nights and waking hours spent in that ballroom as the artist worked furiously on the large canvas. I couldn't remember how it felt to sit poised like a king in that gilded throne neither could I recall how I had made such a face. It was my soul being bared, and I, in my entranced state, could do nothing about it.

After dressing me in the suit he preferred, Sebastian led me out to the ballroom again. To a corner I passed but hadn't notice because of the shadows that lay round it. There stood a group of closely packed furniture all covered with heavy dark pieces of cloth. He started unveiling each. A table and on top of it chess set, a chair with a velvet cushion and pillows. Underneath all of it was a Turkish rug bright with burgundy, azure and many other colors. I stood to watch Sebastian light more candles until the corner was so bright it was almost impossible for any shadow to fall.

It was well-lit but still shadowed by the darkness that continuously pressed at the light, a fortress forever under siege by an unseen enemy.

I'd stopped talking by then, a calming but fragile silence settled over everything. It felt inevitable, this happening. As if it couldn't have tuned out any other way had I forced it to.

_Everything must be said._

After setting the last of the candelabra, Sebastian stood behind the gilded throne of gold. His eyes were glowing red. This did not just humor him; I saw it pleased him immensely. He really _wanted_ it. I came near the chair but turned to the table beside it.

Four neat rows on a checkered board- black and white, and black and white- recurring on both sides; my brows furrowed.

"There is no such order…" I whispered under my breath as I glared at the game.

The silence was broken. I was myself again.

"This portrait must show all, Sebastian." Turning my blue eye on him. "The truth of the life we live and the game we play. No order, no rules govern it…."

* * *

The resounding clatter of marble filled the huge room.

He had pushed the pieces to chaos. Some were rolling on the rug, others were still on the table but were scattered. None of them stood.

In his hand he held the Black King. He studied it, rolling the finely crafted piece in his porcelain hands. His face was beautiful, filled with pride and intent. He came to the chair and motioned me to help him.

"Are you ready, Young Master?" I asked as I placed him on the chair.

He looked straight ahead until then but he turned his eye on me when I spoke. He leaned forward as if to whisper secrets but I felt the soft brush of his pink lips against mine. He turned to the chess board and reached for the fallen Black Horse. He righted it, placing it just at the edge of the board.

"This is the whole story, I presume?" he spoke as if nothing happened but his face had a bright pink color painted across it.

_Not that I'd tell you anything truer, Young Master_

I straightened myself and smiled.

_Though my damnation is your temporary salvation you continue to do this? I wonder how long I could be entranced by the pain and beauty you show. _

"Not that we could say anything truer, Young Master…"

_And how long it would take for damnation to turn to salvation…._

* * *

"wow…" that was all I could say as I stared at the huge portrait that hung in the main hall.

I admired the art but more so how my cousin and his butler had looked. It was as if the portrait told a story I simply could not piece together.

"Basil Hallward was the artist." Ciel spoke as he came out of his study, ever followed by Sebastian.

"What brings you here?" he asked as he walked up beside me.

"oh…"

"I wanted to tell you before that I already had this made before you asked me…" He was lying but I didn't know how to tell then.

"oh…" I said again.

"It was actually quite a bother…" he continued, more talkative today than his usual grunts and curses. "It was arranged that it only be painted at night to achieve the proper coloration, effect or which ever." He looked at it with amazement too, I noted. As if he had a hard time believing that the boy-king that sat there was he.

"It's alive…." I unconsciously said as I stared at it. "This is you, Ciel, a part of you is in that boy…."

I couldn't understand what I was saying or what I wanted to say it was just that what I said was true. The boy in the painting was as much as Ciel as Ciel was.

"ummm…I mean….that is…."

"I understand, Lizzy." Looking at me, his face calm "I understand what you mean…."

He left it at that.

And the end came and I grieved.

The edifice of his power had crumbled decades ago and I had grown gray and old but happy. Ciel had been immortalized in that portrait and although I have never gone to visit it since that cold December, I know within me that it still stands. The portrait that tells the story that none could change nor see, none except that master and his servant.

* * *

Author's Note: I just wanted to fix some garish errors I made (I don't know what came over me) so I'm re-posting this chapter. On the subject of the coming one, I'm in a horrid writer's block mixed with other issues so please be patient with me. Many thanks to those who fave and follow ^_^


	6. Chapter 6

_The rebellion was out of hate. Hate for the creatures that had usurped their place as beloved beings. They did not understand. It was foremost their pride that had clouded their judgment for even they were not perfect. Broken by the celestial army they were flung out of heaven, out of Light but forever the question out of Love? It had been so long since then and the creatures they had hated had become their prey in their anger they never asked if they had lost all Light and all Love. What if one did find the small flicker of Salvation through it all?_

_Love your enemies as you love yourself._

_The human race is my enemy and my prey. _

_My master is my enemy and my prey._

_My master is loved as I love myself…_

_And the high-heavens have watched._

_

* * *

_

"Ciel"

He mumbled and turned to his side pulling the sheets tighter around his frail form.

"Ciel"

I open the heavy curtains and the room is filled with the pale winter light.

"Wake up, Ciel, you'll be late for school. Breakfast will be hot porridge with fruits and butter croissant"

I gently guided him up as he sleepily pushed himself off his warm bed. I had never been able wake him with the sound of his name neither had I been allowed to touch him so easily. Times have truly changed and even to one such as me it has been kind.

"Sebastian…"

"Aside from your classes there's nothing on your schedule today, Ciel."

The young master was obviously stunned. Due to his responsibilities as stockholder and as a student the days as such were very few and cherished.

"You have finished all your paperwork yesterday and there are no scheduled meetings today."

"I see," he bowed his head and looked at his feet his hair concealing his sapphire eyes.

"Does this displease you, Ciel? Is there any problem?" I asked clamly.

He kept to his silence as if in deep contemplation of something and this was what concerned me. The Young Master always knew what he wanted and would voice any complaint he had the moment he felt any discomfort. Silence was never his course of action especially whenever it came to his affairs.

"No.."

"Then what is it?"

"I have nothing to do with it." He said in an uninterested tone but as he looked up I realized his eyes said otherwise. "Mother and father are away and so is Lizzy there's nothing to do with any free time."

"I see. If you will not object, may I invite you to dinner then?"

"What?"

"To dinner after your classes and I do believe it's time to change your wardrobe since the temperature has been dropping."

"oh…well of lack of anything better to do I guess that's the most practical option" a light pink spread across his pale face.

"Yes, and we must do well to use our time wisely. I'll pick you up as always and well go look for winter wear and have dinner. That is your appointment for today. "

I bowed as I closed the door. It irked me that it had not crossed his mind to spend time with me. I still wasn't used to the concept of sharing him with his family since two hundred years ago all and any free time of his was given to me and he was mine. It had never really left my consciousness that the child was mine and with all the technicalities I am still one hell of a butler under his service, after all.

_Sebastian do demons have hearts?_

_Why do you ask, young master?_

_Do they?_

_If you wish me to have one then, yes._

_I wish for the truth you'd never say but I will not order you that. Yes. I order and wish it that you have a heart. _

_Why so young master?_

_So you could also offer that to me- all of it. _

"It was he that had ordered that I have a heart and he that had ordered it be sacrificed to him but now he is the one that forgets…" I had to sigh. The master is truly remarkable. How he had made the once- mighty fall.

* * *

"What is he planning now?"

I had known Sebastian long enough to know that every little detail he plans out must have a purpose, no matter how absurd and impossible his purposes were. A simple invitation from him could always turn out dangerous if not handled or thought about properly. The motive is also a mystery-why suddenly invite me to dinner and use the pretense of shopping afterwards?

Three hours into the grueling process of dissecting the situation my mind was exhausted.

"Hey, Phantomhive," an annoyingly pitched voice called to me. "Wanna play Defense of the Ancients after class?"

I suppressed my urge to scowl at this unwelcome intruder. I had more important things to do rather than push buttons in front of a radioactive screen.

Instead I spoke in a measured flowing tone.

"I'd rather you don't pronounce my name so garishly, Lord James and put that Queen's English of yours to good use. I have an appointment tonight so I'd have to decline." I gave him one of my fake smiles.

_Uninteresting beings the nobility hasn't changed, the gossips and those who've forgotten chivalry._

He seemed unsure if I had insulted him or not but as he was about to clarify more on his supposed but delayed response Sebastian appeared in his casual attire. He wore a double breasted trench coat which he had left open today and underneath it a white button up shirt. Black pants, black shoes, tie and leather gloves of same color. It was simple as attire but he certainly turned heads.

He stood out, a stain in the paling winter landscape.

Just as before, a ripple could be heard among the females and one could feel the excitement that filled the air as they watched and talked amongst themselves

I moved away from James, who was also stunned, and slowly walked in Sebastian's general direction.

"Sebastian…"

He smiled as he spotted me and with a few fluid steps he was walking beside me.

"Ready to go?"

"Not that I'd have anything else to do." I looked down as I spoke trying to sound bored and calm.

I felt the crowd eye us like vultures and the scowl I already wore only grew deeper. Sebastian took my case and led me to the black Audi he usually favored.

After placing my bag in the trunk he opened the backseat door waiting for me to get in but I climbed into the front passenger seat instead.

"Since this is much like a day off I don't think I have to ride behind you today." I mumbled as I righted my seatbelt.

"Whatever you wish, Ciel." He gave me one of his more annoying smiles.

And as he started the engine and the scenery outside my window started to change an unexpected thought swept through my mind.

_Isn't this what happens….on a date?_

_

* * *

_

Author's note: um, yes, well, I just thought that pure darkness wasn't the only thing that made Kuro so interesting- the normal everyday sweetness and comedy too. I'll dedicate a few chapters for that but rest assured it'll still help in the plot development. (who doesn't want a little romance anyway?) On the topic of my very long hiatus on posting my new sched is killing me and my art so I'm very sorry. I'll try to post a longer one next time. Please comment (I think my writing style has changed for the worse and I blame forced logic for that! If it has please be merciless!)

Ps. Added Disclaimer: In the event that I use any particular product and/or brand name to make things seem more realistic I just want to say they are not mine and I'm borrowing them. Hahaha.


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